Tommy Dreamer Opens Up About Depression, Thoughts of Murder-Suicide at WrestleMania

Tommy Dreamer talked very openly about struggling with depression on the most recent episode of his podcast, House of Hardcore.

He told a story about what he called the darkest and worst time of his life, when things seemed so bad and he was so seething with rage that he considered murdering Paul Heyman and then killing himself live at WrestleMania X7…

When ECW went out of business I was 29 years old. I had a lot of my money, my parents’ money, trying to float the company. Paul Heyman, who I thought me and him were super tight, he screwed me over big time. He was in WWE the whole time. I had turned down hundreds of thousands of dollars to go to WCW and now was unemployed. I went from a $750,000 offer, and Paul Heyman crying to me that if I leave ECW it will go out of business. Meanwhile he was getting a paycheck from WWE. I don’t begrudge him, but then I did. I was depressed as depressed can be. I had women, I had fame, I had everything. And yes, it was the worst time of my life. It really was. I was doing indies, making decent money on the indies. But, I lived at home…

This is crazy for me to admit, but I am doing it for a reason, just like I admitted to other things previously. WrestleMania Houston (X7), Paul Heyman told me I was going to debut. All this stuff, when they had TLC and Spike Dudley came in, and Rhyno came in, and Lita came in. That was supposed to be my spot and then uh, that got ixnayed. Then there was gonna be a hardcore 24/7 thing, that was gonna be “all about you”. That was when I was supposed to debut.

I remember I did a show there, and I saw a sign that said “Guns Welcome” and I was in Houston. I did an indie show, and I said “What is this?” I’m from New York, what do you mean “Guns Welcome?” And they said “Oh you are allowed to bring a firearm into the venue.” I was across the street from the Astrodome. When I tell you it resonated in my head so, so much…

I’ll tell you what I wanted to do. It’s sick that I think this. At WrestleMania, I was gonna hop the rail and I was gonna whack Paul E. in the back of the head right at the announce table, then I was gonna whack myself. The ultimate martyr. I was gonna hit my pose, crack, boom, pull the trigger. Because I was that insane. Don’t know if I would have went through with it, but that’s what I was thinking about every day. I was like “I will go down in history.” Pop, boom. First they’d think it was an angle until I shot him.

I was so severely depressed and so mental with rage, I needed help. That help came from a phone call from Jim Ross. Randomly I get a phone call from a number I didn’t know… I didn’t pick up, and I remember having these thoughts, and it was bad. I had a gun, I was… psssh, man. Could you think about the horribleness that I would have done for my legacy? I would have ruined WrestleMania – and I love WrestleMania – for everybody. These thoughts were so, so crazed in my head. How dare that person… he screwed my parents over, and I come from a mobster mentality. In my head I was like “I would become infamous.” Which is famous for the wrong reason. I’m glad I didn’t do it. But when that phone call came from Jim Ross… Again, just said leave a message. It said “Hey Tommy it’s Jim Ross, just want to let you know we are still thinking about you, we are gonna get it done, just got to hang tight. Thank you.”

Think of how stupid I would have been, how dumb and how messed up my thoughts would have been if they would have come to fruition. I am so happy I didn’t do it. I am so happy that I did get that phone call from someone who was a stranger. I barely knew the guy. There was another day. There have been a lot of other days.

Transcript via bodyslam.net

The murder-suicide story is obviously the one that’s grabbing the most headlines, but as Dreamer explained on Twitter, the point of him opening up about the story was to show that so many of us struggle with depression and dark times and no matter how bad things may seem, there’s always the possibility of better days ahead.

I used a MOMENT of time to try & prevent another person from killing themself (2 wrestlers in 2 weeks)
to say hey we have all been there & try & help
I see CLICK BAIT headlines & untruths & opinions of what I said which is sad
TOMORROW @BustedOpenRadio my comments pic.twitter.com/4efISiLs6Y

— Tommy Dreamer (@THETOMMYDREAMER) June 28, 2019

Thank you @BustedOpenRadio
Fot actually LISTENING to @TheHardcorePod & 4 being REAL people & REAL journalism
Thousands of people reached out from click/bait headlines & copy & paste news instead of getting the REAL message
Helping people who suffer from #mentalhealth issues pic.twitter.com/eF0uF6uhAj

— Tommy Dreamer (@THETOMMYDREAMER) June 28, 2019

We can all agree @THETOMMYDREAMER is one of the best guys in the business.

🔊He clarified comments he made on his podcast about his mental health during the fall of ECW today with @davidlagreca1 & @TheMarkHenry and why the "click bait" sites missed the entire point. 🔊 pic.twitter.com/8E4pIQ1Sl0

— SiriusXM Busted Open (@BustedOpenRadio) June 28, 2019