Breaking News: The Rock Returns On RAW

The Rock returned on RAW moments ago. Here is a recap from our RAW report:

Back and the host is……causing electrical noises in the arena. There go the lights. They’re going out all over the arena. There goes the Tron and the Elimination Chamber sign. Vince isn’t advertising a PPV? This MUST be huge. A light comes on the screen and it’s…….THE ROCK!!!!!!!!! I’m stunned at this. He looks like he’s in great shape. To put it mildly, the place erupted.

After seven long years……FINALLY, The Rock has come back to Anaheim, to Raw, and Home. When he had the mic up you could see his hand shaking. He has many nicknames, but tonight he’s Dwayne. It’s been a long time since he’s been here and it’s not because of money or to promote a movie but because of the fans. The fans helped him accomplish his goals and dreams. He wants to thank the fans and tell them he loves them and because of them he’s back in the ring and he’s never ever going away.

He says he called Vince and Vince said he needed a host that was electrifying. He needed someone that would get the people talking. He needed a host that would ignite things and that would be Justin Bieber. Justin is cool, but only the Rock could be the host of Mania. He hasn’t lost a step on the mic at all. At the drop of a dime he’ll lay the smack down at Wrestlemania, but the question is to who.

Could it be Miz? He says he’s heard Miz is awesome. Rock isn’t a scientist but if you’re always saying you’re awesome it means you absolutely suck. Rock says there is one man he’s going to see at Mania, but there’s an E-Mail before he gets to say it. Rock isn’t pleased. He cuts Cole off before he can answer, asking if Cole thinks anyone gives a damn what the GM has to say.

Rock: “Michael Cole, is that what you think?” Cole: “Well…” Rock: “IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! You sit down at that table and know your damn role and shut your damn mouth!” He says if Cole doesn’t then Rock will have some special Facebook pictures tonight of him taking that computer, shining it up real nice and putting it straight up Michael Cole’s candy ass. Now sit down because you look like a drunk hobbit.

Anyway there is one man that Rock has to see face to face. Rock has met him before and thinks he’s a cool guy. When Rock left this guy came in and started talking trash about the Rock. His name is JOHN CENA. WWE has gone from Austin 3:16 to Can Your Smell What the Rock is Cooking to….You Can’t See Me? He does the hand motion and asks if he’s playing peek-a-boo. A blindfolded Stevie Wonder in a basement can see you.

Everyone can see Cena. He runs around here in colored shirts looking like a bright bowl of Fruity Pebbles. Rock has said ass about 15 times in 10 minutes. He’ll see Cena at Wrestlemania. He’ll also see Miz and everyone else at Mania. Rock guaran-damn-tees three things for Mania. He’ll show the world he’s the most electrifying man in entertainment. At the drop of a dime he’ll lay the Smacketh Down on all their candy asses. Finally, the Rock and the MILLIONS and MILLIONS of Rock’s fans will electrify Wrestlemania….IF YA SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!!!

Massive posing ends the show.

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