The Scuba #1 – by DeepSeaDan

Hey everybody.  This is DeepSeaDan coming at you in text form.  Quick shout-outs to my 34 YouTube subscribers.  I was shut down after posting a recent video containing alleged threats towards a certain chairman of a certain board from a well-known wrestling organization.  There’s no need to revisit that, but let’s just say I’m decompressing from wrestling right for now.  So I hope you’ll enjoy The Scuba’s new format as I explore life in the real world.  Let’s get started with my review for the March 2010 errand at Wal-Mart.

The Parking Lot

The first match on the card is the parking lot which looks to be a near sell-out.  We have a slow entrance as it’s a left turn and there’s a pretty good flow of traffic coming the other way.  Every station on my presets is on commercial except for one that I’m avoiding because it’s playing Styx.  Styx ends and now we have Sabbath.  We’re off and running.

I make the turn though I cut it a little close and the car coming straight has to slow down and the driver shoots me a dirty look.  Fuck you too.  We’re in the lot.  Wal-Mart parking is usually a take what you can get because the front of the store is like when you drop a piece of food near an ant hill.  I settle for a space near the back rather than fighting up front.  At least two people leave spaces very close to the front as walk by.

Rating: **1/2 This crowded parking had a slow, technical pace with lots of abrupt braking which helps get it over as a heel.  I liked the left turn spot and the big finish of finding the two parking spaces at the front of the lot because it used my own perception of the parking lot to defeat me.  A fun ironic ending.  That said, the parking lot felt rushed.  Even though I had to walk, I was able to find a space right away, so I could have used more frustrated circling around.  Also, I’d like to see the parking lot expand its moveset to include more stray carts either occupying entire parking spaces or slowly rolling down the gradual slope of the lot until they collect in a sewer grate.

Match 2: Subway

This match wasn’t originally booked, but there wasn’t a line at Subway and I had a gift card.  Starts off with me making a façade of looking at the menu while the worker puts on gloves because I don’t want to have to awkwardly look at her or make idle chat.  I order a 12” toasted BMT on Italian bread with pepper jack covered in ranch.  Banana peppers also.  No cookies or drink.  I receive two napkins and eat sandwich in roughly seven minutes.

Rating: ***1/2 For an impromptu sandwich, this was great.  These ingredients had a lot of chemistry and they were just clicking with me.  For my money this is one of the best sandwiches you could eat.  Subway has had a monster push in my life in the last two years and I don’t see any sign of that stopping.  It overtook a lot of my top ten fast food places a long time ago.  I don’t know if it could ever top Chipotle, but you can never say never in this business.

Match 3: Electronics

This match had a lot of emotion going in.  My niece’s birthday is coming up and she’s pretty into Twilight so I wanted to get her the Breaking Dawn Blu-ray.  I walk past the clothes section to the electronics.  I realize I don’t know if they even have a Blu-ray player so I decide to call them.  Realized I don’t have the number in my cell.  I call my mother to see if she can give me the number, but I can’t reach her.  I decide to take a gamble and go with the Blu-ray.  On the way out I browse through the $5 DVD bin.

Rating: **** The pacing here was really good.  I walk briskly to the back of the store and you can really feel how badly I want to complete my errand.  I loved the calling the mom spot to find out if they even have a Blu-ray player.  Some of you might find that unfulfilling, but I don’t.  Maybe she has a Blu-ray player and she’ll be able to pop this thing in right away.  Maybe she’ll have to wait a few days until my uncle takes her to the store to return it for a regular DVD copy.  It sets up a great potential feud for me and my uncle if he has to return this thing.

One complaint I have is that many of the sample televisions were not turned on or were turned on.  When you go into a Best Buy one of the first things you see is the wall of plasma and LCD screens.  I need to be bombarded with seasonal sports coverage and/or recent movie releases by no less than fifty high-definition televisions in tandem in an electronics department.  That just wasn’t the case here and it prevented this from being rated maybe even 4 and half stars.

Match 4: Check Out

I go to the self-scan line because there isn’t anyone there and I only have one item.  I scan my item and place it in the bag and wait for the machine to tell me when it’s okay to select my payment option, which I do.  Should I have bought a card?  I don’t know her that well.  Debit.  Collect receipt.  I am thanked by the machine and by the self-scan overseer.

Rating: * Awkward pacing.  There is absolutely no psychology in dealing with a machine.  Though 100 years from now that sentence will be the equivalent of using the n-word.

Overall Rating: ***

This was pretty good shopping from Wal-Mart.  I did my errand and I got a lunch out of it.  I didn’t experience unbeatable savings, but the product I purchased was still new.  If you have an errand to go on or you’re in the mood for some lunch, I would recommend you check this one out or just walk through the store for the ambience.  I was disappointed that the Automotive section didn’t make it onto the card.  I go there when I need new wiper blades and they have reasonable prices automotive supplies, so it was a little disappointing that it was left off.

I’m DeepSeaDan and that’s The Scuba!