WWE RAW Results (12/21/2009) – New DX Mascot!

Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, December 21st, 2009 (USA Network)
Location: The St. Pete Times Forum in Tampa, Florida
Results by 411 Mania

“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”

-Live from the St. Pete Times Forum in Tampa, FL

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler

-Johnny Damon is out to start the show, and the Tampa crowd doesn’t exactly care for him. He says he’s not sure where he’ll be in 2010, but tonight that doesn’t matter because he’s hosting RAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW (he actually said it like that, but in a montone voice). He says he’s in charge of the WWE franchise tonight, and tonight we have a few secret Santa’s. Then this proceeds to get ridiculously surreal as a tiger jumps the rail chased by a blonde wielding a golf club. Um, ok…took me a second to get the “joke.” Johnny almost forgets his lines, but is able to get out the most awkward introduction of the divas ever. Yikes, he’s bad. Really bad.

Melina, Kelly Kelly, & Gail Kim vs. Jillian, Alicia Fox, & Maryse
Gail and Jillian start things off as all the divas are of course dressed in the obligatory Santa’s Little Helper outfits. Gail heads to the top rope delivering a crossbody for two, but Jillian hits her with a forearm and sends her to the corner. Jillian hits an electric chair drop for two, and makes the tag to Maryse who fires Gail into the buckle. Maryse connects with a backbreaker for two, but Gail is back to drive her into the buckle. Tag to Kelly who is in with a clothesline and dropkick followed by a hurracanrana. Kelly hits her legdrop, but the heels make the save. The face divas chase them off, but Maryse picks up Kelly for a slam. Holy Maryse nipple slip! Wow! Gail delivers a dropkick knocking Kelly on top for the cover and the pin at 2:02. Well we’re off to a roaring start already.
Winners: Melina, Kelly Kelly, & Jillian Hall (Kelly pins Maryse-Dropkick ½*)

-Well here we go with “Little People’s Court.” We start with Shawn and Hunter in an empty arena, and Shawn is reading something. The order says he has to go to the ring, so they head there. They get to the ring and there is nothing there so Shawn says they have to go under the ring because that’s where the little troll lives. They go under the ring, and they can’t see anything until Shawn finds DX glow sticks available at WWEshop.com. They search for a light switch, and now we’re suddenly in a hallway. HHH asks who would have thought all of this is under the ring. They find a door with “Little People’s Court” on it, and head inside. We of course have a midget judge, and six midget jurors. Oh, and look there’s a midget baliff too. HHH of course makes the obligatory “it’s a little jury” joke. Shawn and HHH don’t want to sit down, but the baliff who’s hair looks remarkably similar to Shawn whacks him in the back of the knee. HHH notices the resemblance which leads to a few more jokes. Hornswoggle shows up and grunts, and Shawn translates that he’s suing them for “Intentional Emotional Distress” and has video evidence. That leads to a video montage of all of the Swoggle/DX moments from the past two months. That’s all for now, but we’re promised more later tonight. We’ve officially seen the most surreal opening 20 minutes in Raw history. That’s saying something.

Randy Orton & Legacy vs. Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, & Evan Bourne
If you’re scoring at home the “serious” portion of the program begins at 23 past the hour. Henry and Orton start, but Orton wants no piece of the big man and tags in Cody. Henry sends Cody to the corner, but Dibiase stops an avalanche attempt getting himself clotheslined instead. Henry press slams Cody and tags in Kingston who stomps a mudhole in him. Kingston goes for his leap to the second rope for the right hands, but Cody moves and Kofi crashes to the mat. Orton tags in as we head to break.

We’re back with Cody in control of Kofi with a chinlock. Kofi flips out and delivers a backdrop to Rhodes. Bourne tags in and delivers a hurracanrana and dropkick. He dropkicks both Dibiase and Orton off the apron, and then counters the cross Rhodes. Bourne hits Air Bourne, but DIbiase makes the save. He gets chased off by Kofi, but Orton pulls Bourne outside and levels him with a clothesline. Rhodes covers for two, and makes the tag to Orton who delivers a straight right hand. Orton puts the boots to Bourne, and then slingshots under the bottom rope for a two count. Dibiase tags in and drops an elbow before delivering a delayed vertical suplex for two. Dibiase delivers a kick to the ribs and locks in a chinlock. Bourne comes free, but gets met with a rebound clothesline from Dibiase for another two count. Bourne is able to come back with a kick to the face of Dibiase putting both men down. Orton and Kofi tag in and Kofi is a house of fire with a dropkick and then a second off the second rope. Kofi connects with the boom drop for two when Rhodes makes the save. Henry chases Cody out, but here comes Dibiase with the blind tag. Kofi dumps Orton, and turns to deliver trouble in paradise to Dibiase to pick up the win at 10:24. This was a great six man tag, and these six guys should all get double their pay tonight for getting this show back on track.
Winners: Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, & Evan Bourne (Kingston pins Dibiase-Trouble in Paradise ***1/2)

-Johnny Damon is hanging with the divas and Santa Claus in the dressing room. Eve goes to get some egg nog, and she is met by Carlito who puts the moves on her. Masters steps in when Carlito wants a kiss and they nearly come to blows. So Santa shows up and he suggests that Masters and Carlito settle their differences in the ring, and that’s an order. That gives it away, as we find that he is indeed Slaughter Claus. Carlito tells him he can’t make matches, but Johnny steps in to make it official. That leaves Slaughter Claus and Johnny Damon under the mistletoe, but Johnny tells him not to even think about it. Slaughter gets the line of the year saying “c’mon Johnny, don’t ask don’t tell.” Just when I thought this episode couldn’t get more surreal I’m proven wrong.

-We’re back for more Little Peoples Court. HHH wants to address the court, because he thinks this is just a “little” misunderstanding. HHH uses a bunch of un-PC references, and Shawn tries to take control but he doesn’t make things any better. Hornswoggle introduces his next piece of evidence which is video of the pedigree from MSG. Shawn says he’s knows what they’re trying to do, and that’s make them put Swoggle in DX. Shawn gives a big inspirational speech, and then says if Swoggle wants in he has to do something big. At this time all the midgets get pissed and try to attack so DX runs for safety. HHH asks once they get out what they’re doing running from little people, but a scared Shawn says there were so many of them. At that point an arm from under the ring trips Shawn and tries to pull him back, but HHH pulls him out and they run like hell. Let’s all forget this happened, okay?

John Cena vs. Jack Swagger
After what we’ve seen so far even the smarks are happy to see a John Cena match. Swagger takes down Cena with a single leg, and grabs a go behind pushing Cena to the corner. Swagger drives Cena into the buckle, and buries a shoulderblock into the gut. Cena reverses and Irish Whip, and then hits a running bulldog. Cena backdrops Swagger over the top to the floor and with that we head to break.

We return with Swagger now in control with a double arm chicken wing. Cena backs him into the corner, but runs into a spinebuster from Swagger who follows up with some pushups for good measure. Swagger drives Cena into the corner, and stomps him down to the canvas. Swagger whips Cena to the corner, but misses a charge allowing Cena to mount a mini comeback. Cena hits the ropes, but runs into a side slam from Swagger which picks up a two count. Swagger grabs another double arm chickenwing, but Cena powers out and delivers a belly-to-belly for two. Cena whips Swagger to the corner, but charges into a boot which allows Swagger to regain control. Swagger drops a leg, and sets up for the Vader Bomb which connects for two. Swagger sets up for the gutwrench, but Cena counters into a backdrop. Cena ducks a clothesline, and we’re off with the obligatory Cena comeback. Two flying shouldertackles, protoplex, five knuckle shuffle, and here comes the attitude adjustment. Swagger counters the move though into a running powerslam for two! Regardless of what happens Swagger is looking like a million bucks in this one. Swagger sets up Cena on the top rope, and goes for the superplex but Cena breaks the grip and knocks Swagger off the top with a right hand. Top rope Rocker Dropper misses by Cena, and Swagger goes for another Vader Bomb. That misses and Cena locks in the STF and that gets the tap out at 12:30. Wow…the skits have been god awful but we’ve now had two great matches tonight. For all the reports that the WWE has given up on Swagger it sure looked like they still got faith in him after that performance. What must poor CM Punk think after that?
Winner: John Cena (Submission-STF ***1/4)

-Johnny Damon is talking to Santa Claus, who this time is DUSTY FREAKING RHODES. MVP stops by because he has an American Dream of his own, and he wants to make 2010 the year of MVP. He’s not asking for a title shot, but just an opportunity to earn one. He wants a shot at Sheamus tonight, and Dusty Claus says MVP reminds him a lot of him in the ring which gives away the gig. Dusty wonders if the polka dot on the Santa suit gave it away. He says he can’t make the match but he knows someone who can. Johnny Damon says “that…sounds…like…a…home run…of…an…idea…”

Carlito vs. Chris Masters (w. Eve Torres)
Masters goes for the masterlock immediately, but Carlito gets to the ropes and then drops Masters down with a rope assisted clothesline. Carlito grabs a sleeper hold, but Masters picks him up and backs him to the corner. Masters hits a powerslam, and calls for the masterlock again. Carlito counters into a back stabber, but Masters blocks that as well. Carlito tries a springboard elbow, but this time he gets caught in the masterlock which finishes at 1:46. The crowd totally no sold every attempt by Masters to get them into the match. The sleeper spot, and his call for the masterlock. Not a good sign. Why would Masters care though, because afterward he got a kiss from Eve.
Winner: Chris Masters (Submission-Masterlock ½*)

-The Bellas are in the back whoring it up with the tiger, as we now have Irwin Claus with Miz. He’s pissed about not getting a pair of Z Cabrichi jeans when he was a kid so he wants Santa to give him a tour bus with a picture of him on it. Irwin says he can be audited because he never reported that Ford Focus he won on the Kardashian show. In comes the blonde catching the “tiger” with the Bellas, and chases him away. Finally Johnny Damon shows up and tells IRS that he pays his taxes, but Irwin says that the baseball players are the biggest tax cheats of them all. Think this segment can’t get weirder? You were wrong. Here comes Mae Young to make out with Johnny. Because that’s just what this show needed. More Mae Young.

Sheamus vs. Montel Vontavious Porter
Sheamus attacks right at the bell with a forearm, and fires MVP into the corner with a shoulderblock. Sheamus buries a knee to the side of the head, and gives him another forearm shiver. Sheamus drives another knee to the head, and then hits a rock bottom into a backbreaker. Sheamus misses a charge, but stops a quick MVP flurry with a knee lift. MVP comes back with a facebuster, and that sets up the ballin’ elbow. Sheamus hops up though and puts a stop to that with a jumping big boot. Razor’s Edge finishes this one at 2:23. Hate to see it at the hands of MVP, but Sheamus had to look dominant. Total squash.
Winner: Sheamus (Pinfall-Razors Edge *)

-Cena runs down after the match with a mic, and says we know he owes him a rematch. Cena says he wants to collect, and he’ll take his rematch right now. Sheamus wants no part of that though, and he bails.

-Vince stops by to talk to Johnny Damon. He asks him what he wants to do about Cena’s challenge, and he says next week its Cena vs. Sheamus next week for the title. Johnny asks about the Bret Hart rumors, but Vince blows him off.

The Miz vs. Santino Claus
Santino Claus treats us to a rousing rendition of “Santino Claus is coming to town.” He says that’s not very good news for Miz, because he had a list and he checked it twice and right now Santino Claus doesn’t feel like being very nice. Miz clotheslines Santino at the bell, and delivers a kick to the ribs. Miz chokes out Santa on the second rope, and delivers a swinging neckbreaker. Miz misses a charge in the corner, and then Santino does the splits to avoid a clothesline. Santino head to the second rope for his saluting splash which of course has a lower success rate than a Ric Flair top rope crossbody. Miz delivers the Skull Crushing Finale to finish at 2:12. After the match Miz stomps on Santa’s bag full of goodies. What a scrooge. Hey did you know it’s Christmas? Signed, Hulk Hogan is in TNA.
Winner: The Miz (Pinfall-Skull Crushing Finale *)

-If you missed Little People’s Court consider yourself lucky here’s a look back.

-Big Show says he’s sick of these imposter Santa’s, so he’s going to the ring he call out the real Santa so he can get his wish. If this doesn’t lead to Jericho Claus I’m going to be seriously disappointed.

The Marine 2 promo is shown.

We go to the ring where Big Show is making his way out. He’s pissed off and in a hurry to get to the ring. Show says Damon said Santa was going to grant a wish for a WWE Superstar tonight and he’s that star. Show calls out the real Santa to the ring. Music plays and out comes Santa with The Bella Twins at his side.

Santa comes to the ring and starts talking with a bad accent. Show kneels down on one knee and Santa sits on his knee. Santa asks Show what he wants for Christmas. Show says he wants his friend Chris Jericho back on RAW. Santa says Jericho always ran his mouth but asks Show if this is what he really wants. Show is acting like a sad little kid here. It’s starting to sound like Jericho’s voice now. Santa says Jericho can come back to RAW next week. Hornswoggle appears and pulls Santa’s beard off, revealing it as Chris Jericho.

Hornswoggle crotch chops them and runs back under the ring. Hornswoggle’s music hits again and a bunch of little people in DX gear run out from under the ring. They surround Show and Jericho in the ring. They charge Jericho but he pushes them off. Show starts throwing them out of the ring also. One little guy is wrapped around Jericho’s leg. Show lifts him up and hits a big side slam. Jericho brings Hornswoggle in the ring. Show pushes Hornswoggle around and backs him into the corner. Hornswoggle throws his hat down and starts getting ready for Sweet Chin Music. He kicks Jericho in the knee. Show lifts Hornswoggle for a chokeslam when DX’s music hits and out they come. DX brawls with Jericho and Big Show. HBK sends Jericho over the top. Show grabs DX for a double chokeslam but they double suplex him out of the ring. Triple H takes the mic and says let’s squash him, meaning Hornswoggle. HBK talks him out of it and says Hornswoggle is starting to grow on him. This excites Hornswoggle. Triple H is starting to like him too. HBK asks Triple H if they can keep him. HBK promises to feed him, walk him and clean out his cage. Triple H says they can’t let him in DX because of their height requirement. They say if Hornswoggle drops the whole court thing, they will make him the official DX mascot. And if you’re not down with that… Hornswoggle yells suck it as DX’s music plays and all three celebrate in the ring with chops and pyro. RAW goes off the air with Holiday wishes from Cole and Lawler while DX celebrate in the ring.

EXCLUSIVE: A Diva NIPPLE SLIP On RAW – 2 CLOSE-UP PIXXX!!