WWF Raw is War Results – April 9, 2001

April 9, 2001
Boston, Massachusetts
Hosted by Jim Ross and Paul Heyman
Report courtesy of Adam Gallegos – ultimowrestling.com

Mr. McMahon is waiting for JR to arrive (from earlier today); when Ross does make it, McMahon asks a beaten-up JR to join him in his office for a talk.  McMahon, you see, wants to make sure Ross is in the right frame of mind for tonight.  Well, this is going to be weird, that’s for sure.  We finally cue the pyro and are underway from The FleetCenter in Boston, Massachusetts!

And, since JR is detained in Mr. McMahon’s office, Paul Heyman is all alone to call the action.  Paul says the role of JR tonight will be played by . . . HIMSELF!  He scrunches his face up and shouts, “STONE COLD! STONE COLD!  THE RATTLESNAKE! THE RATTLESNAKE!” Funny stuff.

Our first guest tonight is our Olympic hero Kurt Angle, who makes it short and sweet: unlike the city of Boston, he is used to winning championships, and he wants a shot at a title – ANY title – tonight, right now.  He calls out Austin and HHH, claiming that unlike Nomar Garciaparra, he isn’t going to fake an injury (GIGANTIC heel heat for that remark).  Now, if you’re a student of this game of pro wrestling, you know what’s coming next . . .

WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP
Kane (c) vs. Kurt Angle
Not a bad hardcore match with a minimum of weapons shots; Kane suplexes Angle to on the mat outside and then the fun begins: The Big Show arrives with his own referee and a massive brawl breaks out.  Show lands the Show Stopper on Kane, but Angle tries to take the pin. Show throws him off and goes for the pin himself, but Kane kicks out.  Undertaker arrives to even the odds; the dead brothers destroy Angle, then land a most impressive double-chokeslam on Show (TBS got some good height on the slam).  Angle decides he’s had enough and leaves as Kane gets the three.
WINNER: Kane via pinfall of Big Show (retains WWF Hardcore title)
RATING: ***

Backstage, JR is sitting with Vince is his office.  Vince, to prepare JR for work tonight, wants to watch a movie.  In fact he’s asked someone to join them; Austin comes in and sits down next to JR.  “That’s a nice cowboy hat, son,” says Austin, while stroking the hat.  Okay, that’s just CREEPY.

After break, an angry Big Show demands a match with Undertaker TONIGHT.

The threesome of McMahon, Austin and Ross sit down to watch a movie.  The entire time, Austin is patting JR on the shoulder and looking him over.  What the HELL is that all about?  The movie is a replay, in it’s entirety, of the Ross-Austin interview from Smackdown, which resulted in JR getting beaten from pillar to post, adding a manly blade job to boot.  Austin is too disgusted to even look at Ross and leaves.  McMahon asks JR if he is now in the proper frame of mind to work tonight.  JR assures him that he is.  He notes that he spoke to his lawyer and would have a hell of a good case against McMahon and Austin, but that’s not his style.  Furthermore, he just might quit.  McMahon gets a kick out of that, until JR states that should he in fact quit, he’ll go to work for Shane in WCW!  Vince doesn’t find that funny at all.

After break, JR comes down to join Paul at ringside, getting a huge pop in the process.  Paul feigns extreme excitement to see him.

HANDICAP MATCH
Crash & Molly Holly vs. Rhyno
The Hollys get a nice pop.  Nothing match, as you might expect, where Molly never even makes into the ring.  Crash gets more offense in this time, but falls prey to a gore out of nowhere.
WINNER: Rhyno via pinfall
RATING: *

After the match, Molly is attacked by Rhyno; as he prepares to gore her, Hardcore Holly makes his comeback, leveling Rhyno to make the save.  The crowd popped nice for Hardcore.

Backstage, Vince and Steph are talking out the actions of JR when they see Linda arrive on the monitor. Vince, clearly distressed by this, asks for some water.

After break, Michael Cole interviews Spike Dudley, who is in fairly good spirits given he dropped a pinfall decision to Lita last night.  X-Pac, Justin Credible and Albert decide to interrupt and beat the crap out of Spike.  Oh joy.

Backstage, Linda McMahon meets some of the boys (and girls, as she talks briefly to Chyna).  Linda has some business to take care of tonight.

JR and Paul review the screwjob suffered by Chris Jericho at the hands of William Regal and new Intercontinental champion.  Jonathan Coachman arrives in Commissioner Regal’s office; Regal, concerned over this newfound “respect” between Jericho and Chris Benoit, decides those two will continue their rivalry tonight.

Backstage, Show and Undertaker get ready to collide.  Puro-heads rejoice.

Before out next match, a review of the butt-kicking Show received at the hands of Kane and UT last week.

The Undertaker vs. The Big Show
UT gets a fabulous pop.  It will come as no surprise that this match is exactly what you would expect: a lot of slow brawling.  Show traps UT in the corner, but, in a move reminiscent of his match against HHH at WrestleMania, UT picks Show up and delivers the Last Ride out of the corner for the academic three count! I know neither of these men are terribly popular among the smarks, but that was a fairly impressive move nonetheless.
WINNER: The Undertaker via pinfall
RATING: *1/2 (all for the huge powerbomb)

Backstage, Linda McMahon is on her way to the ring.

After break, a review of the powerbomb taken by Big Show just moments ago.

And now, Linda McMahon is on her way to the ring to a HUGE pop; oh man, how funny is that?  You would honestly think that Rock was in the house.  Linda thanks the people for their cheers and they get even LOUDER.  She is here tonight with three announcements: first, she has fully recovered from her illness and has resumed her responsibilities as WWF CEO.  Second, she is very proud of her son Shane for his actions as WrestleMania.  She wishes Shane all of the luck in the world with WCW.  The third announcement concerns, as you would expect, her husband Vincent K. McMahon.  Since Vince likes to do things in such a public fashion, she requests Vince come down to the ring.

Of course, Vince shows up immediately, walking the walk of the very confident.  Vince goes to give her a hug, but she shoves him away.  Vince gets a microphone as the ASSHOLE chants start up.  He says he knows why she’s here – to apologize to him for her acts at WrestleMania.  She says, very clearly, “Vince, SHUT UP.  I’m the one to do the talking tonight.”  Crowd pops HUGE.  She refers to the last public chat they had in a ring, where Vince exploded at her at demanded a divorce on Smackdown last December.  Vince says he was just a little angry; Linda doesn’t believe him and chastises Vince for doing that after 34 years of marriage.  He broke her heart and made her ill, but not sick enough to put her in a sanitarium and medicate her over and over.  His actions over the next few months were even more reprehensible; the Titan Tron takes us back to the moments where Vince gave Trish Stratus a spanking, ordered the doctor to double Linda’s medication, met Trish in a bubble bath, and taunted Linda on Valentine’s day.

Linda, back live, says a lot of wrongs were righted at WrestleMania, not the least of which included Trish slapping Vince and Foley beating Vince to a pulp.  A lot of people would think she’s had her revenge, but she has not.  Vince interrupts and says he’ll give her what she wants: a public apology.  Vince gives an apology that not even Satan would believe, then gets on his knees and asks Linda to make the right decision again, and “read my lips: I humbly, truthfully, apologize for my actions.”  Linda considers this for a moment, then puts her hand on his shoulder and says she isn’t here for an apology – “You read my lips: I WANT A DIVORCE.”  Vince is in total shock and the crowd is ecstatic.  Linda leaves triumphantly as Vince remains stunned in the ring.

Folks, if you didn’t actually see the show tonight, let me reiterate this: Linda was getting MONSTER face pops, and the crowd was eating this up.  Very surreal.

After break, a quick review of Vince’s failed attempt to talk his way out of a divorce.

Backstage, Lita stops Linda to tell her that her actions just now were very inspiring.  Linda gets in her limo as Vince comes running over to try and talk to her, but the limo drives away.  He turns to Lita, who looks very nervous now.  He questions her use of the word inspiring, and decides to book our main event for tonight: Lita and the Hardys against Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, HHH, and Steve Austin.  Lita is visibly distressed by this.

X-Pac, Justin Credible & Albert vs. Buh Buh Ray, D-Von & Spike Dudley
The X-Factor has some new music by Uncle Cracker, which is REALLY BAD, and the crowd goes apathetic.  Okay, I know I am extremely hard on X-Pac in these reports on the grounds that he sucks and I hate him, but it doesn’t take a genius to see that he is no longer over, no matter who you pair him with.  The entrance for X-Factor tonight received absolutely NO reaction.  The match: Spike dives out of the ring into Albert’s arms, and pays for it by getting slammed into the ring post.  X-Pac works over Spike in the corner, but Spike manages to fight back and tag in D-Von, who beats on both X-Pac and Credible.  Albert splashes his own man in a bit of miscommunication, enabling the Dudleys to land a quick 3D on Credible for the win.
WINNERS: The Dudleys via pinfall
RATING: **

After the match, X-Pac takes the WHASSUP drop as D-Von GETS THE TABLES.  Albert levels Buh Buh and D-Von with a double clothesline, then picks up Spike and throws his TEN FEET out of the ring. Good Lord, that had to hurt.  Buh Buh and D-Von recover and get X-Pac ready for a 3D through the table.  Credible pulls out X-Pac, however, allowing Albert the opportunity to Baldo-bomb Buh Buh through the table.

(Okay, it’s official: X-Pac is bad enough, but these three clowns together are downright horrible.  On the rare occasions that they actually generate heat, it certainly isn’t character heat – it’s the heat of the people wishing they would burst into flame and go away.  Albert is a heat-killer, and Credible and X-Pac would be better off as faces.  Oh well.)

Backstage, an irate Vince packs up his stuff and leaves despite the protestations of HHH and Steph, who, despite being allied with him, don’t seem too thrilled about tagging with Austin tonight.  Vince tells them to quit being so damn selfish, as he has some serious family problems to address.

Backstage, Lita is explaining what happened to her friends the Hardys.  Jeff says he loves the match, and he should thank Vince for the opportunity.  They beat those three tonight, and Team Extreme is going right to the top.

Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho
Special Referee: William Regal
Benoit’s face pop is not as noticeable tonight as he faces a clear face in Jericho.  Y2J gets a great reaction; this is the hottest Boston crowd we’ve seen in sometime.  Now here’s the problem – Benoit and Jericho can put on a three star match in five minutes, but the addition of Regal messes that all up.  The Chrises tie up lightly as Regal encourages them to beat the crap out of each other.  Lots of back and forth action for several minutes with minimal interference by Regal. The crowd is chanting “REGAL SUCKS” as both men try unsuccessfully to lock on their finishers.  Regal gives Jericho an EXTREMELY slow count, then waves to the fans as Benoit goes for a cover.  Jericho dropkicks Regal by mistake, so Regal takes both men down.  Oh, BIG MISTAKE, as the two Chrises combine to absolutely beat the piss out of the commissioner.  Jericho gets the Lionsault, Benoit lands the top-rope headbutt, and then, in a beautiful visual, Jericho locks on the Walls of Jericho as Benoit locks in the Crossface!  The crowd is loving this as Regal taps.  Both Chrises stare each other down as referees break up the melee.
WINNER: No contest
RATING: * (for the flip-flop of submission moves)

After break, JR plugs the upcoming XFL playoffs.  Paul looks fairly disinterested.

Backstage, Steven Richards and RTC are trying to recruit Raven into their group.  In a rather poetic manner, he tells them to go to hell.  Venis warns him that if he isn’t with them, he’s against them.  Raven would rather it be that way than to be trapped in the RTC belief system.

Tonight, WWF World tag team champions Edge & Christian are hosting the party at WWF New York.  They are granting Crash and Hardcore Holly a title shot on Smackdown.

Backstage, Austin and HHH are discussing strategy; Stephanie asks to be included, but the men are finished.  This is going to be interesting.

(Another aside: we got through the entire program tonight without the commercial featuring those kids passing around the joint discussing maggot filled pie.  I guess life is improving every day.)

Val Venis (w/Steven Richards) vs. Raven
Raven gets a better than normal reaction, likely more of a residual hatred of Venis and the RTC.  Very fast-paced match that sees Steven interfere quickly, getting a DDT for his trouble.  Buchanan pulls the ref out, allowing Goodfather to interfere.  Venis can only get two, then his fisherman’s suplex gets only two.  Finally, more interference leads to the scissor kick from Buchanan and a Money Shot from Venis for the win.  What a bunch of crap – KILL THE GIMMICK, please.
WINNER: Val Venis via pinfall
RATING: DUD

Steve Austin, HHH & Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley vs. The Hardy Boyz & Lita
The Hardys and Lita get a nice pop; you have to hand it to all three of them for staying over as well as they do for as little as they talk.  HHH actually gets a face pop (it seems); Austin is booed soundly.  A pier-six erupts with the combatants right away and eventually settles into HHH against Matt Hardy (after Steph cheapshots Lita out of the ring).  Austin takes Poetry In Motion as the Hardys removes their shirts to a huge squeal.  Jeff barely makes contact with a corkscrew moonsault on HHH, but gets a two count before Austin breaks it up.  Jeff, with help from Matt, rolls up HHH for another two.  HHH finally tags out to Austin, who is getting booed out of the building.  Matt turns the tide quickly at beats Austin silly.  Austin reverses and locks in a sleeper, quickly reversed into a suplex by Matt.  Matt hits the top-rope leg drop for a long two count and tags in Jeff.  Austin hits a spinebuster then lands a low blow as HHH distracts the referee.  Austin throttles Jeff some more and tags in HHH; the heels are starting to get some GREAT heat, furthered by Austin flipping the bird to the crowd.  Austin lands a elbowsmash, then chokes out Jeff.  Austin snapmares Jeff and follows with a knee drop.  Jeff is getting slaughtered; HHH tags back in and methodically continues the assault.  Jeff hits a desperation enzigury, but Austin comes in to stop him.  Jeff hits Austin with a reverse heel kick, then makes the tag to Matt, who takes out Austin and HHH with a top-rope double clothesline.  Austin throws Matt over the top, then follows him out, destroying him at the announce table.  In the ring, Lita hits Steph with a Twist of Fate, then the moonsault for the pin out of nowhere!
WINNERS: The Hardys & Lita via pinfall
RATING: ***½

And now the sick carnage begins: HHH comes in the ring and flattens Lita with a Pedigree.  Austin takes out both Hardys with a chair, then beat the shit out of Matt with the chair, exactly the same as he did to Rock at WrestleMania.  Then, to a ton of heat, he does the SAME THING TO LITA.  Lita takes at least half a dozen full-on chairshots and several more where Austin drives the chair into her chest.  HHH then picks her limp carcass up and holds her for KICK WHAM STUNNER.  Yes, there are still a few in the audience cheering for Austin, but for all intents and purposes he is receiving nothing but loud, violent heel heat as we fade to black.