WWF Raw is War Results – March 5, 2001

March 5, 2001
Washington, DC
Hosted by Jim Ross and Paul Heyman
Report by Fred Venturini – TPWW.net

Raw is War comes to you live, and the road to Wrestlemania is underway in Washington, D.C.! Lots of title matches tonight, and JR is joined by none other than Paul Heyman! He says that Lawler left after Kat left, and he is Paul E. and the “E” is for Extreme. HHH’s music hits, and Paul plugs him, saying he beat Austin twice in a row.

SEGMENT

HHH comes out, and with him as always is Steph. Paul calls him the man to beat in the WWF. HHH takes the mike and tells everyone that it’s hard to be humble when you’re as good as he is. These people can’t appreciate how difficult it is when you’re that damn good, to not come out each week and just gloat. This week is harder than usual for HHH, because after No Way Out, after Austin was destroyed, you cannot imagine how hard it is to not just ram it down the fans’ throats. But, (insert asshole chant here and Paul says the truth hurts) even the idiots can’t bother HHH tonight. Because after No Way Out, he took a few days off, and he got to see Rock walk down the aisle and tell the world how great he is, how he’s the new champ. Then, Austin comes out, and the biggest pile of crap comes out of the Rock’s mouth because he says the two biggest names will go one on one. What the hell is Rock thinking? Rock needs to realize that HHH has been kicking his ass since the day he got there, day in, day out. HHH goes on to say that he says he’s going to do it, he kicks his ass, and the day is done. As for Austin, he just finished kicking hiss ass two out of three times, and that was two straight times. He proved he was the better man. HHH says he’s going to go on to Wrestlemania, and to do it he’s going to take out both men and get into the match. HHH calls out Austin to come out and finish the game so that he can go to Wrestlemania. An Austin chant breaks out, and the glass shatters!

Austin comes charging out, right to the ring and they go toe to toe, right in the center as Austin takes advantage. Angle comes out now, and he jumps Stone Cold. Austin still has the advantage, kicking and punching until the heels take over, pummeling Austin. Now the Rock comes out, and he plugs Kurt Angle, sending him out. Now all four men on the outside with the faces laying waste to their opponents. Rock’s music hits as he talks trash to a Kurt Angle that has been thrown over the announce table and Raw goes to commercial. With such an intense opening and Heyman at the table, I’ve got that special “what the hell” feeling again tonight that the WWF is famous for, so I hope they keep it up for the next two hours.

Raw comes back with Angle jawing with Regal on the outside. Angle says he wants the Rock to come down, and Regal goes into the ring with the mike. Regal says that Mr. McMahon will have a match . . . HHH and Angle vs. Rock and Austin. Now, Too Cool’s music hits.

There is supposed to be a match with Too Cool vs. Credible and X-Pac, but this one might not get started with Angle nailing the team of Too Cool from behind. Now he rams Sexay into the steps, and then knees Scotty and slaps on the ankle lock. Scotty taps out, but Angle won’t let it go-he looks super intense and finally lets loose. Now the medical team comes in to help Scotty, and this looks like they may be selling this ankle injury so he can let his neck injury heal.

Benoit is shown feuding with the Radicalz over a shot at the I-C title. Eddie says it should be Chris, and Benoit says it should be Eddie. They try and dump it off on each other. Benoit finally convinces him to take the match.

MATCH: CHRIS JERICHO VS. EDDIE GUERERRO
Before the match begins, Benoit takes a seat at the announce table. What are the chances of him not interfering in the match? Better than average, as Croc Dundee might say. Latino Heat starts out by getting arm dragged into an arm bar, and then gets locked in a series of bridges and backslides. Now Y2J lands a few chops, but Eddie cracks his knees with a short dropkick as the crowd chants Eddie sucks. Now Eddie ends up on Jerichos shoulders and gets face slammed into the mat. Chops again, and then a big bulldog by Jericho. He misses a lionsault, and then Eddie cradles him for a quick two. Benoit hasn’t said a single word yet. He’s just staring at the match. Now the ref is now down as Eddie accidentally cross bodies into him. Now Eddie on top, and he misses a frog splash. Benoit goes up top as both men are down, but he hits the headbutt on his radical teammate as Jericho crawls over and makes the cover to secure the win and his I-C title.
WINNER VIA PINFALL: CHRIS JERICHO

Now the Radicalz come out and try to make peace, but Benoit just goes to the back. Eddie is livid in the ring.

Now the Hardyz are shown, and Lita says her match is next. Instead of talking strategy for their title shot, Matt convinces Jeff to escort Lita out with him. Trouble brewing? We’ll see as Raw goes to commercial.

Al Snow is shown campaigning for commissioner, with midgets in tow, promising big ratings. Hi ho, hi ho, we want commissioner Snow!

Now Lita comes out, and I don’t even need to tell you how hot she looks tonight. Absolutely yummy.

MATCH: LITA VS. IVORY
The title is on the line as Ivory makes her way to the ring. She’s escorted by Val and Steven. I think that the RTC should make Lita put the thong away . . . yeah right. Now Lita starts off by taking the traditional hairpull spins in the middle of the ring. Lita rolls up Ivory for a quick two, and then lands a clothesline and a few punches. She then lands a Russian leg sweep, and goes for the twist of fate until Ivory drives her into the corner, and then gets a sidewalk slam off of the ropes. Now Lita gets choked, but sends Ivory to the outside over the top. Lita pulls up the panties and goes up top, and she then cross bodies Ivory off of the very top onto the floor. Now the RTC and the Hardyz begin to brawl, but Jeff wipes out Lita as he goes for Val off the guardrail. Ivory sends her back in and drops Lita with a “rude awakening” style neckbreaker for the title retention. Jeff comes in to apologize, and Matt looks unhappy.

Now Angle gets some mike time in the back, asked to explain his actions. Angle says he heard Scotty’s ankle snap, and it felt great because it sent a message that Kurt Angle is tired of being embarrassed and disrespected. Scotty can celebrate his dancing in the hospital, and the ambulance should warm up because he’s had it and the Rock is next.

Undertaker is shown coming in the arena, chatting with Kane as Raw goes to commercial.

As we return, the ring glows an ominous red and Kane makes his way to the ring, raising his arms and bringing on the fire and the “Rollin” music as his brother comes to join him in style.

MATCH: UNDERTAKER AND KANE VS. HAKU AND RIKISHI
All four men start out by brawling on the ramp, with the Undertaker and Haku headbutting their way back to the ring where the bell rings. The action continues as Haku is hairwhipping the Undertaker, tossing him off of the ropes and plugging him with a fattie dropkick. Wow, haven’t seen that from Haku in a while. UT is down, and Haku continues with the head-oriented assault, getting a two count for his trouble. UT fires back now, landing a series of right hands and a big elbow to the face. Haku tags in Rikishi, and he lands a chunky leg drop onto UT and tags Haku back in. Undertaker then gets his big DDT, but can only get a two as Rikishi jumps him, smashing him into the corner with a butt slam. Kane comes in pissed off, booting everyone left and right until Rikishi is outside. UT then hooks up Haku for the chokeslam, and he gets the three count. This match had a total of two or so tags, and Kane was never legal, but good power display.
WINNER: KANE AND UNDERTAKER

Now a rental car appears with Trish, and Micheal Cole asks her about last week. She says that she’ll let everyone know how she feels, and she’s going to do it in the ring!

The lovely Trish Stratus makes her way to the ring, and at the top of the hour mind you so I hope something cool goes down. Heyman loves Trish, and I’m a huge fan too Paul. He says she has the best ass other than Rikishi!

Trish says she came out to set the record straight. Last week, she experienced the most humiliating, degrading experience. But she’s not hiding from it, she’s addressing it. They roll the footage from last week when she gets bathed in slop. She says that down and dirty is just the way Vince liked it. Since Vince is so fond of doing things in public, she asks him to come out, and he does indeed arrive.

He’s got the cocky strut going on, and there’s a curious look on his face. Vince calls for the mike and says that before he (asshole, asshole, asshole) says whatever it is she’s going to say, she needs to realize who he is. Trish says that she has two words for him . . . I’m sorry? She begs for an apology, and says she deserved everything and he means everything to her. Vince smiles from ear to ear, and says that he doubts her apology, and he questions why she’s sorry. Is it because she’s not wearing a mink coat? Or is it because she doesn’t have the earrings? The limo? Is she as sorry as Linda was for double crossing him? He wants her to prove it . . . in this very ring. He mentions men’s best friend, and tells her to get on her hands and knees like a dog and apologize. Trish does it, and crawls around the ring while Vince taunts her, telling her to stop, and tell him in dog language how sorry she is. She barks in the mike as she begins crying. He makes her do it again. He lets her get up and he still doesn’t believe her, and he tells her to take her clothes off! Oh my! She takes the coat off as the crowd pops. He then says to take the blouse off! Yeah! She does it! Holy God! Heyman came at the right time. Vince says it’s not good enough. Vince then says to take her skirt off! Heyman says the he came to Washington to see Bush, and by God I can almost see it as she’s wearing a black thong! Vince says it’s not enough! Not for Mr. McMahon, and he warns everyone at home to turn around because he commands her to take her bra off. She unbuckles it. But then Vince changes his mind to the displeasure of the crowd, covering her with his coat. Vince then says that she really is sorry. Vince says she chose the right cause, and he allows her to take her leave.

As Trish leaves, and says that the people that are upset with the humility are a lot like Trish. Most everyone in D.C. works for the government, which means they’re an inch away from prostitution themselves. He tosses Trish’s coat over his shoulder and waltzes out of the ring.

MATCH: HARDY BOYZ VS. THE DUDLEY BOYZ
Titles on the line here, and Heyman comments on how Skittles never advertised on his show. “Damn Network,” he says. Buh Buh batters Matt right off the bat, slamming him into the corner, but Matt rolls him up for a quick two. Heyman plugs the eight ECW title runs for the Dudleyz as Jeff and Matt have a miscommunication and Buh Buh clotheslines both “pretty boyz” down. Backdrop for Jeff, and he drags him over towards Matt, asking him if he wants to tag his brother. Funny stuff as D-Von comes in and continues to work on Jeff. Jeff gets perched up top, and D-Von clamps on a neckbreaker and lands it from the top. Nice move there as Buh Buh comes in and gets a huricanrana as the crowd begs for tables. Buh Buh comes back with a Buh Buh bomb and a two count. Jeff still in as Buh Buh climbs, but Jeff joins him and gets a huriacanrana off of the top for another two count. Both ment try for the tag, and Matt and D-Von get the exchange, with Matt getting a neckbreaker. DDT on Buh Buh, and Hardyz double D-Von with poetry in motion. Jeff goes up top and misses a swanton bomb. Buh Buh takes advantage as D-Von cracks some nuts with a “wasssup” drop. Uh oh, D-Von!! Get the Table! He goes outside, but Christian hits D-Von with a chair and throws him in. Hardy hits the twist of fate for the one . . . two . . . three! We’ve got new champions, and the Dudley Boyz are pissed.
WINNERS VIA PINFALL: HARDY BOYZ

Lita poses with her men on the ramp as Buh Buh stares them down.

Now Vince is talking with Regal, and he says that Vince put that buxom wench right in her place. Two midgets squirm into the office with Snow. He says that the people want him as commissioner. Vince says he’ll take it under consideration as long as he competes in front of the people against the Big Show.

Trish is in the back crying as Steph says that she came to her senses and she knows her place. Barking like a dog suits her, and Steph tells Trish to go get an ice latee with extra foam.

Christian then dials down the middle on the payphone and tells Edge to accept the charges because the lady is a “hosebeast,” and that operation E and C title regain is back on.

Now Debra comes into McMahons office, and Vince looks happy to see her. She asks if she can resign her post because without Mick she can’t do her job and she wants to manage, if that’s ok with Vince. He says that she’s married to Stone Cold, and Vince wants to make sure it’s ok with Steve. On her way out, Vince elbows Regal and says that “she is hot.” She certainly is, but she’s off limits Vinny.

The Big Show is shown with his hardcore title belt around his ARM? Wow, he looks like a badass as Raw goes to commercial.

Stone Cold is getting ready as Debra says she was talking to Vince. Stone Cold is displeased with that, calling him a sorry son of a bitch, and she asks to manage, but he asks to talk about it some other time.

MATCH: BIG SHOW VS. AL SNOW
Al comes out, and sneaks behind the ramp with a stick. Show comes out and Snow comes up behind him and whacks him with the stick a few times. Show grabs it and snaps it over his knee. Now he grabs Mr. head in mid-swing, pulling Al into a stiff clothesline and shooting him into the steps. Now Al gets his shirt ripped off, and Show slaps his chest with those massive paws. Al gropes for a chair, only to have it bounced off his head with a Big Show fist. Show is just dominating here until he accidentally runs into the pole. Al takes advantage, crushing Show’s skull with six or so trashcan lid shots. Al now grabs a camera, and drills it into his gut. Now the ring gets filled up with about six steel chairs, hell, maybe more. Show takes the steps and launches those into the ring. Now a skullcrusher by Show, and as he tries to hit Al with the stairs, Snow hits them with the chair and goes for the cover and gets one . . . two . . . no! Snow sets up four chairs in the corner, and hits the big guy with three bigtime shots to the back, setting up two more chairs for a total of six. Now Big Show catches him with a benchpress and throws him into the chairs. Man, they didn’t give much, that was as real and painful as it gets there folks. Show hits the final cut, and scores the pinfall.
WINNER VIA PINFALL: BIG SHOW

Now Debra is talking with Vince, and Vince says that he has a new assignment for her to start managing tonight. With only the main event left, I’ll bet she comes out with the Rock, but that’s just me. Again, Vince gives her a leer as Raw goes to commercial.

MATCH: ROCK AND AUSTIN VS. HHH AND KURT ANGLE
As we return, Kurt is coming to the ring with his game face on, and hell, he gets some pyro too. I think ol Kurt is coming on as a badass heel instead of the cowardly heel in the last few weeks. Now the Game comes out, and with him as always is Garth, I mean, Steph. So the heels are ready to roll.

Uh oh, Vince comes out . . . and I have no idea why. Oh, he’s welcoming the new manager, Debra, but for who, I don’t know. Vince is dancing around with the air gutair going on. He’s spry tonight to say the least. He welcomes her back, and he informs her that the wrestler that she is to manage is . . . the Rock!

Rock is packing the gold as he comes to the jampacked ring. Since I’m a good lipreader, I can tell that Rock tells Vince that “this is horseshit and you know it.” Austin struts out, and we’ve got every big name in the WWF in the ring, and Austin jumps McMahon, but HHH takes over, kicking away at Austin. Austin comes back with a hard clothesline and stomps HHH down into the corner. He lands a few blows, and then HHH gets a kick and a tag to Angle, who gets knocked down and also receives a hard spinebuster from the Rattlesnake. Rock in now, getting the Samoan drop on the Olypic Hero. HHH in now, and he gets a hard knee off of the ropes into Rock and a cheapshot on Austin. Rock then takes him out, and tags in Austin. He starts brawling and then gets the Lou Thez press, shooting hard rights into the face of HHH and a big flailing elbow off of the ropes. Now he works on the Game’s knee, and goes for the Stunner but gets a low blow instead. Double on Austin now, and Angle is drilling his throat from the outside. Back in now, Austin fights back with a vengeance, but Angle extinguishes it with a hard suplex. Angle continues with another vertical suplex and tags HHH, who lands his patented neckbreaker on Austin. Knees now from the Game, and a two count. Sleeper applied on Stone Cold, and he turns it into a side suplex. Both men down and reaching for a tag. Angle gets it, and gets his face crushed on the turnbuckle. Rock gets tagged and he’s a firehouse, getting a hard DDT, then spitting on his hand and popping HHH. Angle turns and gets a Rock Bottom, but HHH breaks up the count. Angle then slides on the ankle lock, but Austin kicks him in the head and nails the Stunner! Debra distracts the ref, and Austin goes to break it up, and as he does, Rock makes the cover and gets the three as Austin turns to see it happen. Debra starts clapping for the Rock, and Austin says “what the hell?” to his beloved wife as Raw goes off the air. Great, fast paced match at the end, and Raw was loaded with surprises tonight. Good show.
WINNER VIA PINFALL: ROCK AND AUSTIN